So for the last two days I have been kind of down. You know how your mind should be your sanctuary, a place to store and hide a way your secrets and thoughts. Well for me it is my worst enemy.
It is my enemy for so many reasons. My mind jumps to multiply places at once. It goes to same old situations of my life and replays over and over again. Thinking about every single detail of my life since I remember everything. And lately everything that has happened has all came back at once. My fear is that my mind will not allow me to escape from what haunts me in the past because unless I get amnesiac I will never forget.
What triggers me the worst is blanking out. I go into deep thought. You may be thinking that’s the best time to catch up with life, but this can go two ways with me. Happy and thinking about all of that good stuff or feeling stupid about myself.
I blame it on my sign and if you know anything about Cancers then you know what I’m talking about. We are deep emotion creatures and blah blah blah. I would say that my emotions can get in the way sometimes, but am I bipolar like other Cancers that I know then no. I try to control them for the most part.
This is why I laugh and smile a lot to hide from myself in a way. I find when I stay busy by talking and interacting with others so I can take a vacation for a little while. Not to fall back into the same pattern, but then my dreams trigger my past reminding me again why I hate thinking at all.
So today’s point is that I am stuck in my own mind and I never going to escape. That’s just great.
I liked your post a lot. I find myself doing similar things at times. I too, when im down, try to keep myself busy.
ReplyDeleteCancer? Yes, I am, too.
ReplyDeleteI am a cancer born too. most of the things you lamented here, I can identify with. Please allow me say: You do not have to be stuck.Your deep emotions as mentioned earlier could be an asset to you. You have the ability to listen and understand others easily and your compassion flows easily. As Ryan said, keep yourself occupied.
I find helping others, makes me very happy and fulfilled.
I can very much relate with you I am also a Cancer and I do find my mind wondering from good memories to bad ones to embarrassing ones so I found that by running I can release a lot of my emotion sometimes with preoccupying myself it does work but later it seems to catch up with me and with revenge but running does help me just find something that u cant release all your emotions into sometimes it does help to write it all down....sorry didn't mean to write all that but I really can relate
ReplyDeletehey i totally am with you on that. I try to listen to music when i go to sleep otherwise i go into those deep thought processes which dont really ever end up well.
ReplyDeletesounds like your trying to size men up for fights. just kidding.
ReplyDelete